Bittersweet Memories
by hopelessbiotech
Summary: When Gumi's relationship with Gakupo ends, how will she cope? OneShot


Bittersweet Memories

(Gumi's POV)

"I love you," he told me for the hundreth time. And, somehow, I had managed to believe him. Deep inside, I knew there was still a twinge of doubt but I decided to put that thought aside.

"Hmm," was the only thing I said, trying to get more words out of him. Hopefully, they would be sincere.

"I really do, Gumi," he insisted.

We were at my apartment. The television was on, a commercial blaring in the background. I sat on the couch and he lay on it, his head resting on my lap. He looked at me with those hypnotic purple eyes of his and I stroked his long, purple hair.

"Whatever you say, Gakupo." I tried my best to sound indifferent.

"Well, what must I do to prove it to you?" he asked.

"I don't know," I admitted. I really had no idea whatsoever. He had a reputation for being a womanizer. He'd supposedly changed. Then, he approached me and I did see those changes and decided to give him a chance but taking it slowly. We still weren't anything official, though I took it seriously. We hung out together so he could prove to me that he was a different person than before.

He sat forward and veered so hid gaze could meet mine. There was lust burning like fire in his eyes. He leaned towards me.

As usual, I backed away. He smiled. I promised myself I wouldn't let him kiss me until we were actually together.

"I wasn't going to do anything," he said. But I knew it wasn't true. If I'd let him, he wouldn't have hesitated to plant one on me right there.

He returned to his previous position on my lap and made our fingers intertwine.

(Gakupo's POV)

As I lay there, I couldn't seem to stop thinking about _her_. The way we touched, the unforgettable memories, those special moments we'd spent together. Alone.

I shook off the thoughts, hoping Gumi wouldn't notice. Luckily ,she didn't. Her gaze was fixed on the television.

What she didn't know was how much I longed for our lips to meet. Maybe then...

As if that could make me forget. I didn't know how much longer the façade would last. I was sure she already had her suspicions, for she seemed to hold back sometimes.

I knew I could never get what I wanted from her. Maybe _needed_ was a more accurate word. Because that's what it was: a necessity. Now, at least, it wouldn't be possible for anything to happen. And I was desperate. I didn't know if there could be another way to ease the pain and the desire was too powerful.

A rotten liar, that's what I was. But it was too late for me to turn back now. I was sure I would hurt her and that's what I dreaded the most. I had promised her I wouldn't do that. She had been one of my best friends.

But if I didn't do something, it would be worse for the both of us. Her feelings would grow. And I would be driven insane.

I really hadn't changed at all. I had been lying to myself, thinking I had become a different person. It was then when I realized that I was the same man I was before. I'd always be.

Now, I couldn't find a way to face the consequences. How could I bring myself to tell her the truth now?

_Gakupo..._

_Her_ voice, moaning my name. A thought that wouldn't get out of my head. It was impossible for it to go away.

But Gumi was just so different, with her short, green hair and those big, green eyes that made you want to stare at them endlessly. Also, her dashing personality, how she loved life and always seemed so happy and calm. She was smart, and funny, and had that innocence that was simply scarce on women nowadays. I didn't know if leaving such a package was a good idea. The answer came to me fast: it wasn't. I knew I would never find anyone nearly as good as her.

But this wasn't real. To her it was, but for me...I wasn't so sure anymore.

I forced myself to stop thinking for a minute and glanced at her. Her eyes met mine, and, for a brief second, I wished to tell her the truth.

Her eyes lingered on mine but then they looked away as I didn't say anything.

I couldn't do it. Not face to face.

I was such a coward.

(Gumis's POV)

I knew he had held back on something. He looked as if he wanted to speak and decided not to mid-thought. I wondered what thoughts were running around in his head.

His gaze met mine once again and I kept my eyes on him, trying to pull out the secrets. I knew it would be in vain. He never opened up to anyone. Not even me, who he claimed to love.

We couldn't keep this up much longer. We were supposed to trust each other and he knew I didn't. But I just couldn't yet.

I had to talk to him about so many things but I couldn't find the right words. He could get mad or annoyed if I didn't choose my words correctly and I hated it when that happened.

His behavior towards me changed. He wasn't as sweet. He did the thing I hated the most. From his mouth came hollow words with no feeling. I had to put an end to this. He was hurting me and he knew it.

Then, why did he do it?

Simple. I figured he didn't want me anymore.

He pinned me against a wall after ignoring me for a while. And one of those hollow _I love yous_ escaped from his mouth. Now I'd just stopped believing in him. There was no feeling in his eyes whatsoever. I wouldn't say they had vanished. They were never there in the first place and it was then when I first realized it. He pressed his lips against my neck.

I received a letter a few days later. His name was written on it and I wondered what could be the reason he had sent it to me.

With trembling fingers, I opened it. I didn't know if it was out of excitement, dread, or anticipation for what was coming.

My heart seemed to stop as I read my name written on his clumsy script.

_Gumi, I don't know how to say this to you face to face. But I've been thinking it's best to leave things as they are. I realized that I love you but there's another person I can't seem to get out of my thoughts. _

_I am truly sorry but it's better like this than to let it turn into something bigger. Then it would be worse._

_There are things that won't disappear because they are etched in your heart and can't be erased... _

_I hope we can still be friends..._

_Gakupo_

With watery eyes, I closed the letter.

I knew this was coming and yet I couldn't help feeling the way I felt at the moment.

I filled with rage. I was mad at him for not having the courage to tell me to me face. I never wanted to see him again, but I knew it was inevitable. I saw him every day. I didn't know if I'd be able to even look at him.

I felt used. Like a napkin he just used and threw away when he didn't need it. And then he wouldn't face the consequences of his actions.

If he had "found the courage" to promise me things he didn't mean, he'd had to put up that same courage and confront me about it. That was the least I deserved, after what he had done.

I was also mad at myself, for actually starting to believe in him. For thinking that he had changed. But most of all, because I couldn't deny one thing.

I'd sadly fallen in love with him...though I knew I was better off without him.

But I was also thankful for the experience. Because we had our good times and now I could be more careful of love. I felt that I had grown as a person.

And I was grateful for them. Those bittersweet memories that would never fade.

_**THE END**_


End file.
